When Past and Future Collide

Castiel didn't notice the lessening of his power after his brothers left the Earth. He was already fairly weak by that point, barely enough power to function as Dean's angel-taxi. But, about halfway through 2010, with the whole world a warzone, Cas had to admit that he was no longer an angel. He was human and powerless. Vulnerable in this world where even children were taught to carry guns and shoot without question.

He dreaded telling Dean, exposing his own uselessness to the hunter who needed him. Cas was the only person Dean had left after he and Sam had split up. Which had been done for the world's sake but was now meaningless. Like so much else. Finally, after a particularly harrowing battle, Cas had to tell the truth.

"I... I can't, Dean," Cas admitted, staring the at the floor. "I can't heal anyone anymore. My powers are all gone."

"So, you're a baby in a trenchcoat again?" Dean asked, his voice rising in anger. "You are a human now?" Cas nodded slowly, unable to meet Dean's eyes. He could hear blood dripping and hitting the floor, the other hunters whimpering in pain.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered. "I would give anything for this not to be. But I can still be useful. I can learn how to hunt as a human." Dean just snorted and shook his head. Walking back to the other hunters, he quickly and efficiently cleaned and bandaged those who needed it. They got on the road, heading back to the safehouse they had created. Dean refused to talk or look at Cas for six months after that. The former angel had to pick up all his lessons from the other hunters.

-----------------------------------------

2012 and even more people had succumbed to the Croatoan virus. Walking outside was hazardous and whole cities had been barricaded off by the military. Dean, Cas, Chuck, and a few other survivors created a kind of compound where they could rest and recover. Dean and a few hunters would leave often on missions to get supplies. Today was the first time Cas was deemed skilled enough to join.

He was bubbling with fear and nervous energy, all of which he tried to hide behind his usual stoic mask. He knew Dean could tell he was wired, but the hunter still barely spoke to him. Cas was hurt at the loss of the easy silences they used to share.

"Ok, let's head out," Dean barked, shouldering a shotgun. "Remember, keep in sight of your partners and an eye on your surroundings at all times. We get in, get what we need, and get out." Cas nodded with the rest of them and got in the truck with Risa, the woman he had been partnered with for this hunt. She smiled encouragingly at him before putting the truck in drive and heading out.

They had almost completed the run for food and hygiene supplies when a large band of Crotes attacked. Cas shot as many as he could while he and Risa ran for the vehicles. She was able to leap in and start the truck, shooting terrified glances around her. But Cas, just a little slower, was tackled by a tall, snarling man. He landed hard, all the breath driven out of his body, and the shotgun he was holding skittered underneath the truck.

The infected man flipped Cas over, intent on biting his throat out. Cas saw his death looming and closed his eyes. He didn't want to see what happened when the head would swoop down and tear into his skin. A shotgun blast close to his head dazed him and Cas opened his eyes to see Dean standing above him, terror and fury writ across his face.

Cas made his way to his feet, groaning at the pain in his wrenched shoulder. He turned to Dean to thank him, trying to ignore the look on the hunter's face. He had barely opened his mouth when Dean lunged forward and pressed his lips to Cas's in a fevered, hungry kiss. Cas made a strangled sound against Dean's lips and pressed into him, one hand coming up to rest on Dean's shoulder.

But as suddenly as it started, the kiss stopped. Dean pulled away from Cas, the sudden loss of contact causing the former angel to sway dangerously on his feet. After regaining his balance, Cas stared at the retreating Dean, trying to understand what was going on. He had come to terms with his feelings for the gruff hunter years ago but never expected any sort of return. Was that what Dean was offering? Or was it just a reaction to him almost dying?

Cas thought about the kiss the whole ride back, not acknowledging Risa's attempts to get him to talk. A finger traced his lips, gently pressing where Dean's lips had been not too long ago. When they small caravan pulled back into the compound, Cas took his weapons and headed to the cabin he had claimed. No matter what else was running through his mind, the hunters who'd trained him had drilled gun care into his head.

He had just finished cleaning the handgun he carried and laid it next to the shotgun when the door to his cabin opened. Dean stood there, staring at Cas intensely. He made no move to enter, just stared breathing heavily.

"Dean?" Cas asked quietly, a thousand questions contained in that one word. As if the name broke down a wall between them, Dean strode in and carefully closed the door behind him. He turned back to Cas, his eyes burning with tears and emotion.

"Cas," Dean replied, the name a caress on his tongue. The hunter stalked forward and dropped to the ground in front of Cas. With the same breathtaking speed, he pressed his lips into the former angel's again, roughly tonguing his mouth open. Cas surrendered to the kiss, opening his mouth to be plundered by Dean. No more words were exchanged between them as Dean pushed Cas to the floor, ranging over the top of him. The night passed in a blur of sensation and sounds for both of them.

------------------------------------------

About a year later, the compound received the news that there was a huge showdown in Detroit. Several hunters had died and Sam.... Sam had said yes to Lucifer. Dean's eyes burned in anger when he heard that, his hands clenching. Cas went to him and placed a hand on his shoulder, surprised and hurt when Dean shrugged him off. They'd been together since that night Dean had saved Cas's life and the hunter had opened up to him.

"Don't" Dean snapped, turning and stalking away. Cas stood there, staring after him yet again, trying to understand the welter of human emotions that flooded him. He finally decided that Dean needed space and went back to his cabin. He cleaned his guns for lack of anything better to do, hoping that Dean would soon come back. But he didn't. Not that night, nor the next, nor ever again.

Cas could only watch, heartbroken, as Dean ripped himself up inside. All the pain and guilt hardened the elder Winchester, turning him cold and calculating. Dean never looked at Cas anymore, pretended that his former lover no longer existed. He never missed the pained glances, the horrified looks though, and it only added to the pain. But he never allowed Cas to talk to him, try to work it out.

Standing on the sidelines, Cas saw a return of the man he had pulled from Hell as Dean tortured information on Lucifer out of any demon they captured. His heart broke at the blank look in Dean's eyes when he was done and the feral glee as he dragged Ruby's knife through the skin of a demon's vessel. Finally, Cas could stand it no longer and went to one of the other hunters, one he knew who had cultivated a collection of drugs and drink.

After collecting a suitable variety of substances, Cas began to experiment with them all. He found the high intoxicating and the low calming. He combined different drugs and alcohol together, finding new territory to lose himself in. Now, he no longer cared that Dean was gone. That Dean had become the torturer of souls he had pulled out of the pit. All he cared about was the familiar feeling of flying he got when he experimented.

Soon, women in the camp came to him, wanting him. He decided not to say no, looking for any kind of joy and release. He found it, grasped for it eagerly. The heady combination of drugs, alcohol, and sex was tearing him apart and Cas enjoyed every second of it. Though he still did his job when needed, the former angel spent the rest of his time wallowing in iniquity, burying his thoughts of Dean. And then, a seeming miracle happened.

-----------------------------------------------

2014 and Cas was talking to the group of women he had come to consider his. They stayed with him, listened to him, loved him. Or so he told himself. It didn't really matter if it wasn't true because they were here. And then Dean walked into the room, his eyes wide and shocked. Cas smiled gently at the women and dismissed them from the room. He still couldn't face Dean, so he stood and stretched, walking to the other side of the room.

"Cas, what the hell?" he heard Dean say behind him. Surprised the former angel turned and studied the hunter. What he saw shocked him.

"You are not you," he said, trying to focus on Dean's face. "Not now you, at least."

"Right," Dean nodded eagerly. "So strap on your angel wings and take me back to 2009." Cas laughed humorlessly and turned away, only to swing back to face Dean. He couldn't take his eyes off that face, not even for a minute.

"I wish I could, I really do," Cas said, pressing a finger against his lips. "But, uh, I can't. Strap on my angel wings. I lost my mojo when the angels left. All I have is the ability to see a little past the surface of things." Dean gaped at him, his hope draining away. Cas had been his ace card, the one thing he thought would be able to circumvent Zachariah. Now, his shoulders slumped and his eyes darkened.

"So I'm stuck here until Zachariah claims me," Dean said flatly. Cas shrugged, his heart breaking to see the sadness on Dean's face. On impulse, he stepped forward and hugged the hunter, tiling his face upward to press a light kiss to his lips. Dean stood frozen for a minute, before a hand raised to land on Cas's shoulder.

"Dean, I missed you," Cas whispered, the drinks he had earlier making his mind fuzzy. "Stay with me?"

"Cas, what are you doing?" Dean answered, breaking their kiss but not stepping back. "You're an angel, why are you doing this?"

"Not anymore, Dean," Cas replied, staring into the hunter's green eyes. "I'm human, just like you. No more worrying about getting in trouble with my family for loving you." Dean's eyes widened again at that admission, his fingers tightening on Cas's shoulder.

"You... you love me?" Dean asked incredulously. "You love me back in 2009?" Cas nodded slowly, his eyes boring into Dean's-from-the-past.

"I loved you not long after I pulled you from Hell," Cas replied. "That night in the barn, when you summoned me. That's when I started to fall for you. You were brave and strong and stood up to me. Not many do."

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" Dean asked. "I thought angels had no emotions."

"Because I couldn't tell how you felt. And I didn't want to lose your friendship," Cas explained. He looked away, staring at the floor. All the courage he'd felt so far drained away at the continuing silence from Dean, though the hunter never stepped away.

"Oh, Cas," Dean sighed before leaning down and pressing a kiss to the former angel's lips. Cas's mouth opened in surprise and Dean's tongue darted in. Wrapping his arms around Dean's waist, Cas pushed into him, needy sounds escaping his throat.

"Jesus, Cas," Dean whispered. "What happened? Why are you acting like this?"

"You," Cas answered. "The now you. He... We... were together for a time. Then, something happened and he... pushed me away. Locked himself down and became something else. And now I have you and it's a piece of the past." He leaned his head against Dean's shoulder, breathing in the familiar smell of the hunter.

"He had you and left?" Dean asked incredulously. "What the hell happened to me?" Cas refused to answer, not wanting to hurt Dean and tell him about Sam. Not yet. He could feel tears forming in his eyes, happy tears to be so close to the man he loved again.

"Dean," Cas said, not lifting his face from Dean's neck. "Be with me? Please?" He felt the surprised intake of breath Dean gave.

"Yes," the hunter said simply. He slid his hands down to Cas's waist, pressing kisses to his hair and temple. Cas's legs folded underneath him, unable to support his weight. Dean held him as they sank to the floor, lying next to him and pulling him close. The tears fell down his cheeks as Dean's hands explored his back and chest. He ran his hands down Dean's arms, afraid to speak and ruin the moment.

"Cas, why are you crying?" Dean asked worriedly, one hand lifting to wipe the tears away.

"Because you're here," Cas replied. "You love me." Dean nodded and pressed another kiss to Cas's forehead. No more words needed to be shared as they slowly divested each other of their clothes. For Cas, it was a rediscovery of the man he loved. For Dean, it was the discovery of the man he could finally admit he loved. Neither noticed one of the women peeking in and smiling in surprise at them. She left and soon the news was all over the camp that Cas and Dean were back together.

Which pissed off 2014 Dean to no end. He was considerably crueler to the demon they had captured the day before, finding different ways to rip out the information he needed. He didn't stop until he was covered in blood and gore and the demon was a dripping, moaning puddle. Finally laying down his knife, Dean took a deep breath and wiped blood from his eyes. This demon had given him the information he needed and once he cleaned up, he called a meeting.

"I know where the devil is going to be," he announced. "Last demon was part of his entourage. He's going to be in Detroit again."

"And how do you know that?" Risa asked, suspicion in her voice.

"Oh, our fearless leader is well-schooled in the art of getting information," Cas interjected, happiness bubbling through his voice for the first time in months. He kept stealing looks at past Dean, flashing him small grins.

"We're torturing again?" past Dean asked. "Yeah, that's classy." Cas chuckled loudly at this, smiling at past Dean. He felt the glare from present Dean on him and turned to look at him. He conveyed his sorrow and loss through his eyes, boring into present Dean's eyes.

"What?" he asked deceptively lightly. "I like past you." Present Dean dropped his eyes, knowing what he'd done to Cas. Cas felt a grin steal across his lips and snuck another look at past Dean. The man's mouth was red and slightly swollen, his eyes glazed and happy. He had done that. Cas had gotten another chance to be with the man he loved. And he planned to make the most of the time he had.